I'd Rather Get a Sriracha Enema Than...
These 23 things
Life is so much brighter when we choose to focus on the positive.
However, on the days we’re channeling Larry David due to low blood sugar or general agita, even the minutiae can annoy us. I think I speak for all of us when I say, it’s important we feel free to rant from time to time, without being ostracized or punished.
Although I’ve never partaken in a sriracha enema, I’m presuming it’s not pleasant. Either way, it would undoubtedly be a 5-star experience compared to these…
I’d rather get a sriracha enema than…
Watch women with duck lips claim they don’t want attention.
Try to cancel a subscription service, and after being transferred 6 times, receive an offer of a 30% discount for another year of misery. That’s not a discount, that’s a hostage negotiation.
Binge watch The Dukes of Hazzard for any length of time.
Read this text: “I’m 10 minutes away” Just text me when you’re here.
Hear “Let’s circle back.” Let’s not, let’s close the loop right now.
Endure another wedding toast that starts with: “When I first met Michael, I didn’t like him at all.”
Being trapped in an Uber with an uber-inquisitive driver who peeps into the rearview mirror far too much.
Get cornered by someone who just discovered Stoicism.
Listen to a TED Talk that could’ve been a sentence.
Endure a mousy, soft-spoken yoga instructor with a fake Sanskrit name.
See anymore selfies. I can’t handle one more selfie.
Date someone whose ex still texts “Happy Birthday” like they’re in a custody battle.
Be asked by anyone of the male persuasion for any reason to “send me a photo.” No. I am not sending you a photo.
Watch someone try to network at a funeral.
Listen to a WASP-y guy in linen pants explain to his date why monogamy is “unnatural.”
Get lectured on “late-stage capitalism” by someone wearing $900 sneakers.
Listen to one more psychopath say, “My ex was crazy.” Um, that’s highly doubtful, dear.
Endure someone who can’t tell the difference between confidence and volume.
Observe someone who is still in contact with all of his exes, confuse the word “harem” with “monogamy.”
Get a group text that could’ve just been one message, but is now 58 notifications.
Watch a grown man say “literally” five times in one sentence while being wrong.
Go to an urgent care where the doctor asks what you think is wrong.
Have someone text “K” instead of just ignoring you like an adult.
Number 8 😂😂